Farewell Tonight
by Adventuresomely
Summary: Vent Writing; Suicide/character death.


"_It's been one year, today..."_

The starts twinkled so brightly in the sky, lighting the way just enough for Killua to see by. He stumbled through the darkness almost drunkenly until he found the space he was looking for. A perfect spot to stargaze. Tonight, just for the occasion, he had to go off alone. It was best that nobody see him, nor hear him and what he had to say. It was best that nobody noticed the tears that slid down his cheeks, unabated.

"Gon... It's been one year since you died... Exactly one year..."

His voice shook as the words left his lips. The day he found out was the day his light went out, just as Gon's had been snipped from existence so easily. It was more fortunate that Killua hadn't been there to witness it himself. There would have been no survivors; not even himself.

Killua rocked back and forth as he sat, his thumb caressing ever so gently the fishing rod that had once belonged to Gon. It hurt so very much to hold it and remember this day. This fishing rod; it was all he had left over to remember his friend and all of the good times they'd had together. It was... The only thing he had to remind him of the Light.

It was safe to say Killua had spiraled into madness the day it happened. A bitter smile stretched across Killua's lips as he stared up at the sky, tears dripping down his pale cheeks. He had cracked entirely; broken into a thousand pieces when Kurapika and Leorio had come to inform him of Gon's death. Neither of them had ever seen Killua lose himself so quickly as it sank in. The way he dropped to his knees and gripped at his silvery-white hair; they'd never seen such an emotion from the composed ex-assassin. They quickly learned not to approach him as he lashed out violently, cutting Kurapika's arm open quite deeply.

The action had earned a loud disapproval from Leorio, but Kurapika quickly shut him up and pushed him aside. They both backed off as Killua pounded the ground hard enough to shatter the stone underneath him. The tears that slipped past his eyes and dripped onto the ground were only a small testimate to what he felt.

Silence had fallen for quite some time and neither Kurapika nor Leorio were sure what to do. Naturally so, as well; Killua and Gon had been inseparable to the point that Killua had risked his and his entire family's life in order to save Gon. It had gone to waste and there was nothing that could bring Gon back now. Not even Nanika could perform that sort of miracle.

When Killua looked up once again, his eyes didn't look like the sort who belonged to someone sane. The life had left them entirely and a sort of madness was in its place. It was obvious to Leorio and Kurapika that Killua was broken beyond repair. Even though he was hurt, Kurapika made a move to approach Killua, intending to try and comfort him again. It made no difference, because Killua brought himself to his feet and walked away without a word. He was visibly shaking each step of the way. He never saw Kurapika and Leorio again after he departed from them.

A massacre took place that night in the Zoldyck household. At first his mother approached him, and too given to the darkness that slowly consumed his psyche from the loss of his dearest and most important friend, he killed her. He didn't care anymore; he couldn't care. Like a psychopath let loose, Killua was a terror even to a household full of assassins. Milluki was next and last to go, as Killua's psychotically crazed laughter alerted his father and grandfather to what was going on. Killua had put up a good fight against them, as well, but was ultimately subdued by the breaking of both of his arms and one leg. Killua had broken the code of honor and was subsequently kicked out and left to die the very next day – with broken arms and leg all the same.

Since that day, Killua merely wandered. He had nowhere to go, nor anywhere to stay. He wasn't mentally stable enough to make new friends, nor did he even want to. The only thing he had left of his sanity was Gon's fishing rod, which he had found left with Canary after he was to leave the premises. Kurapika had left it behind for him.

"I thought maybe in a year... The pain would've stopped." A fake laugh escaped Killua's lips as he openly talked to himself.

"I hope it's alright up there in heaven... Or wherever people go." It wasn't as if Killua had much to believe in when it came to death. Once you were gone... That was it, wasn't it? For Gon, Killua wanted to believe otherwise.

"Maybe we can meet again..." He held Gon's fishing rod even tighter, raising one clawed hand to his chest. That was his promise; if he felt the same one year from that day, then he would go, too.

"_But I don't know if I'll end up in the same place as you."_

Killua was the first Zoldyck to commit suicide and the next morning, it was all over the front page of the newspaper and on television. The burial ceremony was the very next day, but nobody of importance attended – not even Killua's family. After all, he had betrayed them by killing off other members of the family and that was treason beyond all other.

After all was said and done, maybe, just maybe... Killua and Gon would be together again in the afterlife. Or maybe, somehow, they would be reincarnated as friends in another life and under better circumstances. It was Killua's last wish before he plunged his claws into his chest and ripped out his own heart. His heart had already been ripped out in an emotional sense, so now the physical deed matched.

_Gon was the light that Killua couldn't live without. _


End file.
